Remember when we were kids? Remember when the worst thing that could happen to you is you might wreck your bike and skin your knee, or maybe you got caught once or twice with your hand in the cookie jar? But no matter what, there was always somebody there to tell you it was OK.
Remember when your parents would go out for the evening and call the babysitter? Maybe she was the obnoxious teenage girl from down the street who did nothing but watch TV and make out with her boyfriend. Or maybe it was your granny, or even some blue-haired little old lady from “Mothers Little Helper” babysitting service…
Yup, those were the days. But now we’re older and we work all the time and we worry about how to pay the bills and who will take the kids to after-school practice and what we’re gonna do when “the old battle-ax” gets here from Californ-i-a… and we finally sit down exhausted in the easy chair, prop our feet up, turn on the TV, and go promptly to sleep.
……….Slowly, you become aware that you are no longer sleeping, but when you open your eyes, everything has changed somehow. The room looks oddly different, and even tho you could swear you are still a grownup, you begin feeling suspiciously like a rather large child. It occurs to you that this is YOUR room! Or at least you THINK it is the one you remember from what SEEMS like just this morning, tho several things are missing and your stuff keeps moving around when you are not looking…
Suddenly your mom walks in and she looks just like she did when you were 10. She tells you that she and your dad are going on vacation and she has called the babysitter to come check in on you from time to time. COOL! It sounds like fun being independent and all, just think of all the neat stuff you can do while they are away! The baby sitter won’t be a problem.
But next thing you know, your parents are gone and this van pulls up out front. It’s the babysitter. But, what is this? Things don’t look just right. This is NOT the lady from “Mothers Little Helper”! You notice the words on the side of the van. “Dept. of Explosives and Child Care” in big black letters.
A surly looking woman (or is it a man?) wearing a “puke green” uniform steps out and walks towards the house. The babysitter is here! Well armed and underpaid and not in a good mood.
Your life flashes before your eyes. You remember the cookies you stole this morning… You look out the window and see a police car instead of the van. You look frantically towards the kitchen and see that the cookie crumbs have turned into bloody corpses….
The babysitter bursts thru the front door, looks around with squinting eyes and twitching hands just a little too close to the enormous gun on her (his) hip for comfort. You begin to shake as she surveys the room. “YOU ATE THE COOKIES”, she/he bellows. “YOU KILLED THEM! You are going to JAIL!”. She comes towards you with handcuffs in one hand and a taser in the other. You are just about to get hit with 20,000 volts when she spots the jar you keep your allowance in. “What have we here?” she asks in a sinister voice. She picks up the jar, and smashes it on the floor. Glass goes everywhere and you now realize that you have bare feet. She takes all your money and tells you she’s going for now, but SHE WILL BE BACK FOR MORE. And if you don’t have it, she’ll shoot you…
….Your eyes pop open and you sit bolt upright in that old easy chair, sweating and breathing hard. It was only a dream you keep telling yourself. “What a HORRIBLE dream!”, you think, and then, “I’m sure glad THAT wasn’t real!”
You decide to get up and go down to the store for some ice cream. So you get in the car and head down the road. You just can’t get that dream out of your head. Something still doesn’t seem right. You look in the rear view mirror and much to your horror, there is a police car! It looks just like the one in your dream! You tell yourself to stop freaking out because that was only a dream and this is real, you are all grown up and you are not doing anything wrong so they have no reason to pull you over. After all, you are NOT a criminal…
But, sure enough, as soon as the thought was thunk, the lights come on and the siren blows and you have been HAD. State Police. “Dept. of MILITARY AFFAIRS AND PUBLIC SAFETY”. The Governor’s boys. The BIG guns. “What did I do wrong?” races thru your head…
The cop, who looks remarkably like the one in your dream except he’s definately a MAN this time, asks for your driver’s license, registration, proof of insurance, and you begin to fish desperately thru a glove box overflowing with candy wrappers, sun glasses, and old letters slowly realizing that what you are searching for is not there. Your voice is shaking now. You are wracking your brain trying to think what you did with the requested paperwork. You ask the officer why he pulled you over while you hurriedly try to hide the pack of rubbers that falls on the floor. “No seatbelt”, the police officer says. “And no drivers license, no registration”. “But what did I DO?”, you wail… Up until that moment you really thought that a police officer was your best friend. Protect and serve. You are shocked. The officer asks you to step out of the car. He is telling you something about fines and court costs. You have been looking at the ground while the officer writes something about you on a clipboard. You suddenly feel strange and need to look at the officer once more. You notice that the police cruiser has somehow once more turned into a van with BIG Black letters that say “Dept. of Explosives and Child Safety”. The officer looks you in the eye and smiles an evil smile. She is ugly and fat and there is vanilla creme filling spilled on her puke green uniform. There is a half eaten donut in one hand and your wallet in the other………
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As we can see by reading between the lines in the magistrate’s report, our State Police are now relegated to the ranks of “babysitter”, pulling people over RANDOMLY for such serious infractions as not wearing seatbelts. “Left of center” is an old and time honored excuse as well. “No Drivers lisence/proof of insurance”. Huh. “Speeding” is self explanatory, or “failure to stop”, but WHAT did those other people actually get pulled over for?
Question for the day: Do the police REALLY care so much about your safety that they feel they MUST protect you from yourself at all costs? Or is that just the sucking sound of even more of your money going down the toilet?
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(DPS = Dept. of MILITARY AFFAIRS and Public Safety.
Translation: STATE POLICE)
CITATIONS
Phillip M. Arnold – No proof of insurance, issued 11/24/07, by DPS
Gene L. Cozart – Speeding, issued 11/21/07, by DPS
Robert B. Craddock – Failure to field tag deer, issued 11/20/07, by DNR
Nicholas W. Davis – Registration violation, no proof of insurance, issued 11/15/07, by DPS
Susan L. Erlewine – Speeding, issued 11/21/07, by DPS
Timothy Kurt Hall – No proof of insurance, loaded gun in vehicle, issued 11/24/07, by DPS
Timothy Kurt Hall – Possession of controlled substance less than 15 grams, issued 11/24/07, by DPS
Kenneth O. Harris – Driving suspended/revoked for DUI, no proof of insurance, issued 11/14/07, by DPS
Kenneth O. Harris – Possession of marijuana less than 15 grams, issued 11/14/07, by DPS
Kenneth Owen Harris – Illegal possession of deer, hunting in closed season, issued 11/14/07, by DNR
William B. Knicely – No proof of insurance, issued 11/24/07, by DPS
Leisa A. Longfellow – Failure to yield/stop, issued 11/27/07, by DPS
Lucas A. Morford – Seatbelt violation, issued 11/24/07, by DPS
Eddie Lee Null – Driving left of center, issued 11/7/07, by DPS
Derek Earl Roberts – Seatbelt violation, issued 11/15/07, by DPS
John W. Snider – Seatbelt violation, issued 11/7/07, by DPS
Cleo Paul Staton – No motor vehicle inspection, no proof of insurance, issued 11/10/07, by DPS
Lanore H. Westfall – Improper reflective window tint, issued 11/10/07, by DPS
Calhoun Underground 